Posted by
thekeenobserver on Friday, August 28, 2009 5:13:39 PM
What's REALLY wrong with America? Not enough handicapped parking spaces.
Pull into a big box store parking lot and observe... the handicapped spots now outnumber conventional ones by a ratio of at least 10 to one.
So why not just make the entire lot for handicappers, and require all others to park across the street? That way, they'll be no chance of EVER denying a space to the impaired, and everyone else gets their daily allotment of exercise. Ergo; America's obesity problem is solved; plus those mega-buck handicap parking violations are history. Why didn't we think of this before?
The only downside? There might be a huge increase in the black market for handicapped license plates; but let the FBI worry about it.
And what about more speed bumps? After all, think of the millions of lives that have already been saved in apartment parking lots; so if we were to put speed bumps in ALL THE ROADS, drivers would be forced to go so slow that no one would ever get in an accident. The money we save in auto insurance could be donated to UNiCEF or some other worthy cause
It's the great conundrum of modern life in America; the faster we are forced to live, the more the establishment tries to slow us down.
And how about when you're in a BIG HURRY, and you rush into one of those new chrome elevators - only to stand there in a rage while the door refuses to close? Finally, after a tortuous interim of about 45 seconds -which seems like 45 minutes -the goddarn door FINALLY closes!
And worse, while you were waiting, you kept pressing the "door close" button; but predictably, it does not close - the button is only there for "psychological reasons."
But why? All new elevators are automatically timed for a wheelchair to roll SAFELY on board.
So now, one must be aware of elevator rage, which is fast overcoming road rage as a threat to our already overstressed society.
Be aware - especially when traversing the upper floors of tall buildings; you may encounter some crazed maniac, who's finally cracked to the frustration of too many unresponsive "door close" buttons, and is now ready to take it out on somebody - caution!
And how bout when you purchase some batteries, or a pair of pliers - or even a stupid bottle of glue? Try getting its plastic encasement open with only your bare hands. Given the strength of the enclosure, it's well nigh impossible.
Many a tooth has been loosened while trying to bite open the impregnable plastic required to "prevent child harm." Dentists report a boom in implants and partial dentures from people who couldn't find a scissors, then lost a front tooth- or an entire premolar area.
Years ago, we only had to worry about an encounter with a stubborn pickle jar, or an obstinate ketchup bottle that just refused to twist open.
But now, Americans are forced to keep special devices handy around the house (or in cars) for opening up just about anything. This includes hardware, medicine bottles, cold tablets, cleaning agents, and whatever safety experts deem "harmful" to kids...which is practically everything!
NOTE: the operative word here is "safety".
So relax everyone: despite al the frustrations, all the inconveniences, extra walking, extra waiting; it's for a good cause - safety. Life in America has become so safe now, it's driving people nuts!
Our handicapped laws were originally the idea of the now-departed, greatly-beloved, most noble of men, Ted "Edward" Kennedy- the "lion."
Back in the early 90's, Mr. Lion authored the Americans with Disabilities Act- which was a good thing. Because of the great foresight, wisdom, compassion, and overall consideration of Kennedy, countless lives have been saved, and handicapped Americans in the workplace no longer face the discrimination of the past.
But liberals - in their attempt to make everything safe - have gone overboard, and continue to deluge America with laws for saving lives, preventing accidents, etc. -- but mainly for an unspoken, more sinister reason...incrementalism.
The more handicapped/safety/product safety laws that come down, the more powers the liberals have to control our lives and undermine our freedoms. And of course, like all liberals know, the fines these laws produce are yet another way to get money for democratic politicians to waste on spending projects.
So the next time you can't seem to bite open that pack of throat lozenges, or can't solve the strange, omni-directional arrows on the twist-off top of the cough medicine - do not curse; do not become frustrated. Just think of all the lives that have been saved, and the thought of yet more liberal safety laws to come.
And from now on, try taking the stairs instead of the elevator.
www.keenobserver.blogtownhall.com